Discover the holiness that dwells in the darkness

Today is Winter Solstice, marking the shortest day of the year. I usually celebrate the Solstice because it also marks the shift to longer days again, the return of the light. It’s considered an auspicious time to make intentions; to plant the seeds of the new year.

For me, winter has always been a hard time. I run cold already and the chilly, dark season really affects me physically and mentally. I have a hard time feeling “like myself” when it’s gray and cold, let alone during a pandemic. But something I’ve been contemplating recently is: well, aren’t the times when I don’t feel bright, inspired, warm, and optimistic, still a part of myself? I tend to want to stay in the light and get frustrated with myself when I’m not there. But of course I know that we need to experience the dark to appreciate the light. And what’s more, there is nothing that proves that light is better than dark. I had been contemplating this recently, then serendipitously listened to some thoughts of Francis Weller (via a Mark Groves podcast) in which he said some things so profound I had to transpose his words for you here. He said,

“Nature is not always improving itself, sometimes it goes through profound periods of decay and destruction and death, fallowness. Our psyches were shaped in the context of nature over hundreds of thousands of years so why wouldn’t our psyches also be akin to the patterns and rhythms of nature? We need the darkness, but in that binary system of light=good, darkness=bad, whether it comes in skin tones or in terms of our ideations, we have lost our relationship to the darkness... And in the absence of that relationship to darkness, we don’t know how to understand times of descent, when were taken down below the ground, whether that’s through grief, or loss, or depression, or suffering of any kind, or through collapse of structures as we’re experiencing right now. We don’t know how to relate to it. So we keep scrambling to get back up to the light, to where we can see what’s going on. But what psyche, what soul, invites us to do in times of loss is to develop a second kind of sight, to learn to see in the darkness, and to discover the holiness that dwells in the darkness.”

This year has been, of course, unusually dark for nearly everyone. We’re so drawn to the light, like a plant reaching its face towards the sun, and I think we’re all about ready for this year to be over and find out what the new year will bring. But, as Weller also beautifully said, “You were conceived in utter darkness in the womb of your mother. Tell me those things aren’t holy? Tell me that’s not where the sacred also dwells. So part of our problem right now… is to recover our relationship to the light, but also to the dark. And that’s where we find soul.”

Today, Winter Solstice marks an actual shift on an undisputed planetary level. Although it’s the shortest day of the year for us in the Northern Hemisphere, it marks the return of longer days and more light. This is an auspicious day to make some powerful intentions for the next solar year. I feel an excited optimism just thinking about the return of the light. But one thing I’m doing differently in my intention setting today is that I’m not intending for everything to brighten, for everything to improve. I’m also asking myself: what can I learn from my shadows, the parts of me I don’t like to show? I am putting forth my intentions for the ways I want to grow, for the things I want to manifest. But another part of my intention is to look for the ways I can honor the shadows, and learn to, as Weller said, “discover the holiness that dwells in the darkness.”

I encourage you to take some time today to meditate, contemplate, journal, maybe even create a vision board, about what you want to focus on for the future.

I also encourage you to consider the incredible, life changing journey that is a 6 month Prana Vinyasa Yoga Teacher Training. It will be my honor to lead one from April to October 2021, in Mancos and with a virtual option too. Discounts if you already have taken a 200 hour YTT or my 100 Hour Self-Discovery Yoga Immersion, and one BIPOC scholarship available.

Solstice Blessings my friend~

Shiva + Shakti, Making Space for Creativity to Flow

Are you a creative person? Do you love coming up with new ideas, whether it's for an artistic endeavor, or a solution in your work or life path? Consider, when is it that you most often feel the spark of a great idea? For me it's almost always when I'm taking a walk in nature, or in a meditation, or during a focused asana practice. Consider on the other hand when you are trying to solve a problem, and your mind is so cluttered with the many aspects of the problem that you seem to be thinking in circles. Getting some perspective, by taking some space from the problem, is almost always the way to come up with a fresh solution.  I know I feel most aligned and inspired, most like I'm living on purpose, when creative ideas are flowing. So how do we consciously cultivate creativity?

In Indian mythology, there are two great figures who represent the great duality of life on earth. On one hand we have Shiva, the energy of pure consciousness, the blank canvas on which our world is painted. On the other hand we have Shakti, the energy of manifestation, of form, all the brush strokes that make up our universe. Shiva is the masculine energy of awareness that witnesses and holds space for all that exists. Shakti is the feminine energy of creation of which our physical world is born. Our world cannot exist without both, they are in union, their love births worlds. It is said that before our planet existed as we know it, Shiva was sitting in meditation, alone, unstirred for millions of years.  Shakti came, and danced around him, arousing Shiva. He began to dance then, inspired by the beautiful form of Shakti. Their dance created all that we see, all that grows, rivers, mountains, trees, animals, oceans, everything.

In our own body and mind, we each experience the energy of Shiva and Shakti, of awareness and form. When we are busy, doing, creating, making, that's the energy of Shakti.  When we are still, contemplative, resting, aware, that is the energy of Shiva. Because our world is so full of distraction and we become so incredibly wrapped up in our involvement with it, that the multitude of form and function seems to take over and distract us from the other half of our nature: wisdom, contemplation, witnessing the beautiful mystery. When our mind is so full and so distracted by all there is to do, our powers of creation become dull because we're not creating from that clear space which is the other half of our birthright. Our most pure and inspired ideas arise when we can sweep away the canvas, start fresh, and see with clear eyes and an open heart. We can cultivate that power of clarity and wisdom by taking rests, slowing down, breathing deep, and pausing from the constant activity. Seated meditation, yoga nidra, conscious breathing, mindful movement, taking a bath, prayer, taking a walk outside, all these are ways to break the pattern of constant action and thinking mind, to cultivate clarity and presence.  It is from that place of spaciousness in our body and mind that we cultivate the freedom for our innate creativity to blossom and take form.

Yoga and sleep

 Do you struggle with getting a good night's rest? Either have trouble falling asleep, or wake up in the night, or both?

I used to be a really deep sleeper. I've been known to sleep through earthquakes. I honed my sleep superpowers during an eight month biking and backpacking adventure through Asia, where I managed to sleep in the most uncomfortable and strange places: camping in friendly strangers’ yards, sleeping in brightly lit parks, in trains, buses, and even dirty bus terminals, in loud cities, and cold mountains. But everything changed after having my son three years ago. There was the waking up 5 times a night to breast feed. There was the maternal state of high alert that yanked me awake at the sound of every pin drop. There were the nights it took me ages to get him back to sleep. Plus, our son has always been an early riser. By early, I mean 4:30 was his natural wake up for an excruciatingly long time. Thankfully, now it's more like 5:30 or 6am.

As you can imagine, all of these factors left me achingly sleep deprived. Although my husband was as supportive as can be, a breast fed infant can only get so much comfort from daddy. By the time he was five months old, although our son was becoming a better sleeper, now I was the one having difficulty getting to sleep. It got to the point where, although I was exhausted all day long, when I finally laid down in bed, I could not fall asleep for the life of me. I would be so close to drifting off, and then all of a sudden, adrenaline would burst through my body and the feeling of falling would jerk me awake. My heart would start pounding and I could not settle it down, sometimes for hours. After eventually falling asleep, I would wake up a couple hours later, either because of a crying baby, or my own anxieties.

I was exhausted and at my wit's end. I started researching insomnia and sleep. I wanted to know why I felt a surge of adrenaline at the most inappropriate time. I learned that an adrenaline rush starts in the brain, when the amygdala perceives a threat. The amygdala tells the hypothalamus to prepare the body for danger. The hypothalamus communicates through the sympathetic nervous system, sending signals to the adrenal glands to secrete the stress hormone adrenaline. Adrenaline is what gets the body into a fight or flight state: increased heart and respiratory rate, dilated pupils, major muscles ready for action, increased perspiration, and breaking down large sugar molecules into readily used glucose. Although while in bed there is no real threat, our brain mistakes internal anxiety and stress for danger. At night, unresolved worries, plans, conflicts, or images of a movie or TV show may play out in our mind because we are finally in a quiet and still enough space for our own thoughts to have a voice. In my case, stress was caused by maternal instinct to stay alert in case my son needed me, plus the anxiety over NOT sleeping, and worry that I would be exhausted the next day and ineffective at the many tasks on my plate. Can you relate?

I read about the importance of sleep hygiene and having a good sleep routine. Well, this was a no-brainer, since we had prioritized Leo's sleep routine and it worked exceptionally well for him. For Leo, we had a very specific bedtime routine: in this order every night, we would turn down the lights in the rest of the house soon after dinner and lead him to his room for a bunch of stories. Then came toothbrushing, eventually using the potty, then pajamas, one final story, a kiss goodnight from daddy and finally a song from mommy.

I realized I needed a sleep routine. I experimented with different things, and this is what works best for me:

Turning down all the lights by 8PM and turning off my computer and phone.

After getting all ready for sleep (last house chores done, pajamas on, teeth brushed and face washed and oiled) I meet my husband on our yoga mats in the living room (where they live perpetually). We practice yoga together, usually with soothing music on. (This is my favorite part of the day.) We both do our own thing. Sometimes we are quiet, and sometimes we talk about things going on for us. After about 30-40 minutes of this, we get into a comfortable cross legged seat and meditate.

My evening meditation practice goes like this: first, I practice what I call The Observation Meditation (click for an audio recording), just allowing my senses to observe everything around and inside me. I use the silent mantra "I notice:" followed by whatever I notice in each moment; the clock ticking, my breath, the sound of the heater, a sensation in my back, etc. Then I move into a full body scan, observing sensation in each part of my body, starting in one thumb and working my way all the way around to my face. Finally, I repeat the St. Francis of Assisi prayer as a silent mantra: "Lord, make me an instrument of peace..." until I truly can get through the entire thing without being distracted, actually feeling the intention of the prayer. At this point I start to yawn and that's when I know I'm ready for bed.

This routine is very personal, and I'm not suggesting you follow it verbatim. But if you also struggle either with falling asleep, or waking up in the night and not being able to get back to sleep, I recommend experimenting with a sleep routine. Turning down lights, avoiding screens, avoiding caffeine and chocolate after 4 pm, and some kind of meditation and or yoga practice are all highly recommended by sleep specialists. Of course there are plenty of medications and herbal supplements out there that help with sleep, and I have tried a few, but what really works best of all with no negative side effects or addiction is following my routine every night. It means I have to sacrifice a lot of nightlife and movie watching, but to me it's worth it. And once in awhile when I break the routine and have trouble sleeping, I remind myself that that it's not a catastrophe to miss one night's sleep, I will survive and function the next day, and will make sure to get a good night's sleep the following evening. Relaxing my anxiety about how much sleep I get allows me eventually to fall sleep and avoid the terrible sleep catch-22.

I hope this helps you! If you struggle with a good night's sleep, please email me and let me know what works for you, or if any of these suggestions have been helpful. I'm also available for one on one coaching to help you create an evening yoga and meditation routine that suits you.

Ojas Boosting Golden Milk

Golden Milk is a highly nourishing, grounding, and comforting drink made of milk (or milk alternative), warming spices, and sweetener of your choice. Drinking it boosts your ojas. What is ojas? Ojas is considered by Ayurveda to be one of the three super refined essences of the body that is responsible for immunity and overall vitality. While I don’t make it much in summertime, in fall I make it almost daily.

Note: If you are sensitive to milk, but not actually allergic to it, try it in this recipe. Ayurveda teaches that boiling milk makes it way easier to digest. You can adjust the ratio of milk to water. If you are using a milk alternative such as coconut or almond milk, you can skip the step where you bring it to boiling three times and just heat it to your desired drinking temperature.

How to Make It:

Boil good filtered water with a healthy pinch of fresh or powdered ginger, cinnamon, turmeric, smaller dash of cardamom and/or cloves. Sometimes I add a bit of saffron and/or shatavari powder too. Once it's simmered for a few minutes, add some milk, so the ratio is about 1-1. Then WATCH CLOSELY and bring the milk up to boiling point 3 times (bring to boiling point, turn to low, repeat twice more). Then turn it off. Add sweetener of your choice. If your sweetener is honey (my preference) of course you have to let it cool until you can put your finger in without burning. Another option is to strain it into the blender and add a date or 2 so it gets the warm date flavor and the frothiness of the blender. Yummm!